Creative Humility and Creative Pride
Before I loved to write, I loved to draw, so when I finished writing my first book, of course I had the urge to design my own cover. And I did. I took time looking for references and drawing it out in multiple ways, but even though I knew what I wanted, I didn’t quite have the skills to execute it. So, I hired someone else to do it. When I published Moon Beetles and Soul Tether, they had very different covers from what you can buy today. They were beautiful, moody, and had their own charm. There were several reasons why I decided to re-do them. It was expensive and I didn’t think the designs where always hitting the mark I wanted them to hit. And I had developed the skills I needed to do it myself. I had given myself time to learn more about digital art and how I liked to work and what designs sparked my interest. Following your dreams takes time, a lot of time, and a lot of humility.
Shifting focus from publishing books to my art services is another such humbling experience. I tried explaining to someone the other day why this shift was a loss. I’m still an author and have accomplished a great feat by publishing four books, but I wanted those books to sustain me. It stings to say I haven’t made it yet. To soothe that sting, I am focusing on how my creative endeavors have supported me in different stages of life rather than relying on one of them to pull me through the whole time.
My books gave me a place to wonder and express myself in long form, away from my daily life, to sink deeper into myself, and through that, connect with others. I do my best work when I understand the works purpose. My books were for me, to help me grow. As I shift gears to supporting myself through offering art services for the book community, I’m asking myself what the purpose of this specific path is.
As I started watching the anime Frieren the other day, it came to me. Most of Frieren and Fern’s journey in the first few episodes revolves around doing small jobs for individuals or communities. The pacing of these episodes is slow but meaningful, and after every job or short quest the people are left thankful and happy. I want every client I work with to have a feeling of thankfulness and happiness once I’ve finished a piece of art for them, whether that’s a character portrait, a book cover, or a decorative piece for the pages of a book. I want them to feel a sense of pride within themselves for following through with their ideas and their craft, just like I did.
If you are interested in working with me on some artwork, please send an email to bjoycedesign@gmail.com and tell me about your ideas!